I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize