Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
