they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
