i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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