Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
