she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Couch. On fire.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
