I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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