my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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