I skipped work to stalk him.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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