I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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