im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
