I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
