I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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