You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize