He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
