420 ftw
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
