So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
