Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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