it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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