I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
