I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
