Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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