hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
