Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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