Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
