His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
