The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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