Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
