The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i love accidental penises.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
