I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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