Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
