you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
