i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
