were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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