I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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