I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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