And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
