Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
