hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
