she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
