Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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