she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
