My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
