ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
