ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
