I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
