I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
