Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
