You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
