forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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