why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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