Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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