Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize