Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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