I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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