dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
