the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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