Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize