Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
