Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize