Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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