i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
