I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
