Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
