Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
