I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
