she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
