you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
