I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
3 2 1 whiskey
Randomize
