I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's the barista slut.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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