i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
