lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
