just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
