the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
