I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
