How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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